Shrek and Po Power Hour
by PoFangurl
Summary: Not all is okay in the lands of China and Far Far Away, for a threat from South America threatens to end civilization as we know it.
1. Kronk must die

Shrek and Po Power Hour

Book 1: Revelations

Part 1: The Shrekoning

Act 1: The Rise and fall of Max Payne

Chapter 1: Kronk must die

Scene 1

It was a peaceful day in China. The children were assembling computers and toys for little to no pay, women were forced to have abortions, and geeky teens were playing World of Warcraft at cyber cafes.

And then there was Po. Po was not your usual Chinese boy. First of all he was a fucking Panda. And not just any kind of Panda, he was a god damn talking Panda that could do motherfucking Kung Fu. This kid was the epitome of badass and can do anything (except conceive a child, his dick was too small) He was the Dragon Warrior, which basically means he's better than you and gets all the bitches. His job was to protect China from her enemies, such as Tai Lung and democracy.

"Master Shifu, lemme have my noodles you old faggot!"

"Not until you suck my cock!"

Po was training with Shifu to perfect his Kung Fu. Unfortunately, Master Shifu was a pedophile and forced Po to give sexual favors in exchange for food. Po was tired of being Shifu's personal whore. All he ever knew was old red panda dick. He craved that Tiger puss. But Shifu forbids heterosexual relationships because he's a bitch. Po NEEDED Tigress, he was sexually starved since puberty (Shifu didn't even let him masturbate)And all that stood between Po and the V was Shifu….

LATER THAT DAY

"Sweet mother sweet mother send your child unto me for the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear"

Po had been performing the Black Sacrament, a ritual to summon a Dark Brotherhood assassin which involved getting a skeleton and a heart and stabbing the heart repeatedly while chanting "Sweet mother sweet mother send your child unto me for the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear" until the assassin arrived. He had been at it for hours, but as Tigress once said regarding when would they be able to move out and have sex freely "patience is a virtue dumbass". Suddenly Po felt rumbling. It was a unique rumble, unlike any he felt before (Shifu often had sex in the room above). He looked out the window and saw a fat hooded man riding a dragon to his room.

"HOLY SHIT A DRAGON!"

The hooded man parked his dragon outside the window, dismounted and entered Po's room.

"Laddeh, are you the one they call Po? The hooded man asked.

"Y-yes. Who are you? Are you the ass *le gulp*-assassin?

The hooded man took off his hood, revealing a beautiful green face. He was an ogre, and a sexy one. (Author's note: All ogres are sexy but this guy is like the sexiest of all) "I'm Shrek, a Dark Brogrehood assassin. Who do you want to be shreked laddeh?"

"Some old faggot named Shifu. He's my Kung Fu master and a pedophile. He doesn't let me eat unless I suck his wrinkly dick and forbids heterosexual sex I`m fucking starving, both foodwise and sexwise".

Shrek thought about the target for a moment. A Kung Fu master that lives in a huge ass dojo. He must be some tough fucker. "I can easily shrek that quaad, but it'll cost you 420 onion layers."

Po was shocked at the high price. 420 layers? Po was saving up for a black market Xbox 360 (Authors note: Consoles are banned in China) But he wanted Shifu dead and Tigress's pussy more. "Alright, so 420 layers is all I need?"

"No laddeh, I'll need your help sneaking around the dojo. Where is Shifu right now?"

"Probably in his office watching child porn or something. I'll show you the way."

And so Shrek and Po snuck to Shifu's office. Once they were at the door they pressed their ears to it to hear what was going on. They heard Shifu's voice.

"Grandmaster Kronk, I have planted the explosives at the designated location and raped the Dragon Warrior again, exactly as you have requested."

"Wait, Shifu was raping me because someone told him to?" Po whispered

"Shut the fuck up laddeh"

Then they heard another voice, similar to Patrick Warburton.

"Excellent Brother Shifu. Now nearly everything is ready and soon we will be able to set my plan in motion. But first we must eliminate 2 threats."

"And those threats are?" Shifu asked.

"The Swamp and China"

_DUN DUN DUN!

So how does everybody like it so far? I spent all night writing this first chapter and I think it came out fine, but a good writer should always listen to the readers, amirite?


	2. Knight Templar Spongebob

Shrek and Po Power Hour

Book 1: Revelations

Part 1: The Shrekoning

Act 1: The Rise and fall of Max Payne

Chapter 2: Knight Templar Spongebob

Shrek was shocked to hear that they were targeting the swamp.

"Holy motherfucking niggabitch whores, I live there. I own that place."

Po was irritated that China was being threatened. He was a lazy fat fuck, and hated fulfilling his responsibilities. But if China was bombed, there would be no Tigress puss. And a panda's gotta do what a panda's gotta do.

Suddenly Shifu spoke. "Okay Grandmaster Kronk. I will await further instruction. May the father of enlightenment guide us."

"Okay laddeh, he ended the chat, now we strike."

"What are we going to do?"

"Simple, you kick down the door and I'll shrek Shifu.

"Sounds good."

"Damn, I'm sleepy" Shifu thought out loud. "I'm gonna watch some child porn before sleeping though so I can have wet dreams" He then opened his Porn folder and selected his favorite video, 9_year_old_deflowered_by_ . Suddenly he heard a loud noise from behind him. Po kicked down the fucking door. "Alright Po, that's crossing the line. Prepare your anus motherfucker, I'm goin down there!"

Po then said with a smile. "Not so fast".

Suddenly a fat ogre jumped out of nowhere and tackled Shifu. "Check yourself before you Shrek yourself" he said before anally raping Shifu. Shifu was in great pain, for Shrek's dick was massive. It was the biggest dick he had ever seen. Every thrust was extremely painful yet pleasing in a strange, spiritual way. Every ejaculation burned him on the inside, but also made him calmer. After about 69 minutes Shrek thrusted one last time and let loose a mighty ogre roar. He was ogreasming. His dick shot out gallons of onion juice into Shifu's anus, which was loose and bleeding by then. Shifu's vision became blurry, and suddenly he saw a tunnel with a light at the end. "Is this it?" Shifu walked towards the light, getting closer and closer by the second. His expression turned from that of calm to terror as he realized what the light was coming from: Hellfire. Suddenly a pitchfork penetrated his anus. "I'm Satan, and welcome to Hell beyoooootch!

"Thanks for killing my master Shrek, now I can fuck Tigress."

"It's not ogre yet laddeh" Shrek then removed a necklace from Shifu's barely recognizable body. The necklace was in the shape of a cross.

Po was shocked. "Holy fuck Shifu was a Catholic? No wonder he was such a jackass!"

"No laddeh, Shifu was a Templar. The Templars are an order of bitches that wanna ban heterosexual shrex and make everybody a quaadtheist. Me and my fellow brogres ( ShrekisloveShrekislife) have been fighting the Templars for as long as I can remember, possibly since Maria shat out the universe."

"Oh. It's my sworn duty to protect China from her enemies. I guess I kinda have to help you fight the Templars."

"Aye laddeh, you can join the Brogrehood if you'd like. Tomorrow we travel to my headquarters in The Swamp. Today, you can have sweet shrex with Tigress."

Po's dick shot straight up at the thought of Tigress's pussy. "Oh boy!" Po then ran to Tigress's room, kicked down the door, ripped off his pants revealing his 1 inch boner and proceeded to rape Tigress brutally. Shrek remembered when he was young and a virgin. His first time was with the Holy Creator herself, Maria. He remembered when the universe was first shat out of her ass. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, besides Fiona. It was Maria's first time too, and she gave him a big dick as a thank you for the sex kind of deal. He still tapped that occasionally. Those threesomes with Fiona and Maria were the stuff of legends. He looked down to see his boner growing at the thought of it. There was also something in Shifu's pocket, a letter. Shrek bent over to pick it up. It read:

Brother Shifu,

I hope that you find yourself in good health and with fine little girls. The explosives have been planted at the specified location and the sleeper agents are ready to act. I will be waiting for you at the Golden Cat brothel this Sunday for any further orders.

May the father of enlightenment fuck you

Spongebob Squarepants


End file.
